Orpheus Bay, Auckland, New Zealand

Nude beaches in New Zealand are a funny old thing. They're not really designated, more that they're recognised as 'free beaches' - places where people have gone nude or are known to go nude. Part of this seems to be about the laws around nudity in NZ, which are super relaxed in some ways (no rules against nudity in general), but vague enough that they can be policed poorly (nudity is not an offence, unless it causes offence, and how is that actually interpreted?)

New Zealanders have a reputation for being laid back, but I'm not convinced this is a stereotype that holds, based off their driving behaviour and engagement with rugby. They also have a reputation for being sexually conservative (a product of their British history, and isolation from many of the more liberated European countries?) Some social scientific research has suggested this combination of expectations of laid-backness (or is it laziness? :)) and sexual conservatism plays a part in their abysmal sexual health stats. That nudity isn't more common, despite the massive stretches of coastline and a very  small population, suggests that New Zealanders are either getting nude very, very quietly, or that intangible (probably mythical) laid-backness is very specific to certain situations, and not related to nudity at all - even breastfeeding orientated nudity.

I'm sure the Antarctic ozone hole and the impact this has on burn times probably doesn't help either...

I've been naked on a few beaches in New Zealand in my time there. Enjoyed it every time. Without the experiences I've had elsewhere, and the encouragement of similarly minded friends, I wouldn't have found it all that straightforward though. The free beach element is part of this. As you can't (apparently) put up signs advertising a nude beach (because they don't really exist), people willingly engage in the 'Guvano effect' and even in some cases, use nudist use of free beaches as a way to generate interest in tourist packages (ahem) that put Auckland on display (OK, getting silly now)  - or at least that's how it sounds?

Anyway... Of the handful of nude beaches I visited in Auckland in 2015, Orpheus was (by far) the best. Small, quiet, lovely, I went there three times in total. The first I had the beach to myself for several hours (awesome), the second two times were busier (weekends), so my overall experience had enough variation in it to confirm its status as excellent and recognisably nude (unlike some of the other beaches about the city). It is about 30-40 minutes from the city centre, and takes you into Huia, a part of Auckland that feels like you've dropped out of civilisation. Filled with baches (NZ holiday homes), and a LOT of native bush, this is New Zealand at its wild best, and it's SO close to the city.

Just as you're starting to come down the hill to the Huia township, there is a gravel road on your left (Huia Lookout Rd.) Veer left along it, as the road and people's driveways look almost identical. About 15-20 metres down you'll see a parking bay for 3-4 cars, and the entrance to the Con Bryan walking track. Brush down and spray your shoes to help protect the native kauri tree and take a quick, beautiful, downhill track for 10 minutes (remembering it's uphill on the way back!)

You'll arrive onto the beach, which is excellent at any tide (low tide is a little rockier, but better than many). There's a small stream and a cliff face to your left, and a lot of shade. I have only seen one couple set up here, despite it being an idyllic location compared to many beaches around the world. Most people seem to walk to the left, going around a small bend that keeps the 'main beach' hidden from casual entry off the track - which I guess is why most people seem to set up there. It's also, definitely, the best part of the beach.

There are a bunch of pohutakawa (native New Zealand coastal tree) for shade. The water is clear, the view is outstanding, and when no-one else is there, it feels like you've been stranded on a desert island. I think that's only a privilege you can experience during the week (and naked of course!)

There are a lot of shaded areas, but it can get a bit of wind from offshore at times. As it's inside the harbour though, there are virtually no waves, and the sand is whiter than the rest of the West Auckland beaches.

The other people that turn up here seem to consist of 'regulars', as there was a lot of talk among various groups/individuals. There was also a bit of 'policing' going on, with a couple of guys ensuring everyone was recognising this was a nude beach at the busier times. This was noticeable when a couple turned up, camped at the less nice end, with him naked and her not. If she was ever going to try things out, the arrival of a hovering, old, fat guy, staring intently at them wasn't going to help! I understand why naturists/nudists want to protect 'their' turf, but I think it can be done in a much more relaxed manner than it was done in this case (there's that NZ laid-backness again...) I suspect that people pop down the track for a look quite often (not necessarily at the nudists, just at the beach) and its about preventing a clothed invasion (which seems to occur at other free beaches in Auckland). The couple seemed steadfast though, and carried on, tucked away - good on them! Maybe she'll get into it a bit later, maybe not, but nice that she seems to be happy to go to a nude beach with her nude husband.

On a good day, this is almost as good as it gets.

Grade: 9/10
Difficulty of access: 3/10 (if you're fittish and physically able, it's no problem)
Likelihood of others being around: 5/10
Ease for a skinny dipping newbie: 8/10